Baby Delivery Class: An Epic in One Post

"Umm...do the phases start all over when it's the second baby's turn to come out?", asked my wife sheepishly. The whole room let out a very dramatic gasp. I believe all the other couples were thinking the same thing,"She has to go through all that again!?" The nurse conducting the class answered,"Yes, but the phases will happen a lot faster and you won't have much time to really think about what phase you are in. As soon as the first baby is out, the next baby will be deliver as fast as possible." At that moment I looked around and saw that everyone was staring intently at us with their faces showing great sympathy.

My wife and I signed up to do this baby delivery class in one day instead of doing it in pieces. It just worked out better for us. There was a lot of stuff that they covered in this class. I believe we are better prepared because of the stuff that was covered. However, I don't even know where to begin!



The Craziness Inside

It all starts with small contractions that sounded very painful. The nurse had some old school '80s type cardboard posters that showed what the inside of the belly looks like when there is one baby inside. It is no wonder women need to go pee a lot once the baby gets bigger. From the amazing art that was shown it seems that the baby pretty much takes over the women's insides. The intestines and every thing else inside just get squashed and that included the bladder.

After seeing this I looked at my wife and said,"That doesn't look comfortable", she looked at me smiling,"It isn't!" The nurse then continued to talk about everything that happens before, during and after labor. I won't get into all the educational stuff I will just write about the things that I was thinking as they happened.

I can't imagine what it looks or feels like inside my wife's body with two babies there!

Watermelon from a little Mouse Hole

So...where do I begin to describe the things that I saw on the birthing video? Umm...Okay, fine I will start with this,"HOLY S*HT!" The first thing that I saw was a couple talking about how they were going to deal with the contractions etc. The lady in the video had a crazy fro-like '80s hair. The video production was that of the epic '80s era so if you lived during that time you know what I am talking about. If you didn't live during that time or were really young like me, well it just looked very cheesy! I think the synthesizer background music set it off really well...NOT!

Anyway, the lady did really well when she was dealing with pain. She took her breathes and seemed really focused on what she was doing. Then I saw the craziest thing! Okay I will keep this as PG as I can. Baby delivery is like picturing a watermelon coming out of a Tom & Jerry mouse hole. The only exception is that there is a lot of other liquids that just gush out and the watermelon is covered with it. I know that once I get to the point of us delivering our babies I will probably have a different mind set but after watching that video I rather not watch.

If you are a dad and you have seen and been through all of that I applaud you. I think my game plan will be to just stay as close to my wife's head and upper body as possible. I do not want to see her junk getting all kinds of messed up while the baby a.k.a. watermelon comes out of that small hole. However, I know that after all that happens we will have two beautiful babies that we will love and cherish.


Baby Update
The babies are doing great! The doctor was very surprised that my wife has not had major contractions with the twins. She has had some Braxton-Hicks but nothing major. We are gearing up for all the changes but we are going to take them in stride. God willing these twins of mine will be born in the month of August. I want to thank all of you who read this and pray for us, we know we are blessed because of some of you. :)